Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Ubin boy
Thats yuting zhuang & me in N&B snacks.
Yay, dennis switched off his handphone. He was sleeping. LOL, pig. Today, went to PULAU UBIN with kerry & xu. Im all getting ready at 1000. So kerry & me went to have lunch at hougang mall first, then met up with xu at around 1300+ at hougang bus interchange & we set off.
So it cost 2.50 per head/ferry ride. We went to take pictures here & there inside the ferry, rented bikes, brought drinks & start to travel around. Xu paid for most of the expense. Dont worry, i will treat you some stuff again in another day. So everything was terrible. Mosquitoes breeding everywhere, muds everywhere & slopes everywhere. Xu had 9 mosquito bites on her, kerry around 3 & me only 1. They dont like my unhealthy blood. The stupid slopes, make me so tired. Guess 3 years of no running makes me no stamina. Old man, you gonna buck up. Nothing much over there. No more wild boar sighting, no more chicken, no more peacock, nothing. & we leave the place at around 1700 cause had a dinner later at 1830
Same people, but added yuting, dennis & shuhui along. Well, i dont know what im feeling weird about. Never expected shuhui to be coming along. Maybe just that im not feeling quite well nowadays & seeing her unexpected make me not right. For some of the time, i started to avoid eyes contact with em. Especially to shuhui, seeing her looking & smiling at me make me sad. I dont know why. Sorry for being looking so EMO at the dinner.
I remembered this question they set to me at N&B snacks. "So, you like shuhui more or felicia more?". I told em "I dont know. This type of things, why should you be making comparision" & i was avoiding eyes contact with em while saying. So kerry reliesed that im not feeling well in this topic & say "Waa, such a deep word. See, hes looking so emo now". I dont understand lots of stuff. Even if im really serious, putting in my every effort & trying to make em happy, it will end up with a bad ending. A ending i dont wish. Its like pulling me out of the dark room, i thought i can be happy again, let go of the pasts, but they dump me back into that room again. Treating me seriously, NONE.
Not long after, i decided to accompany yuting in riding train. Wanna avoid thinking.
Before going for dinner, had a small fallout with someone in MSN when i reached home. Im going in at thursday, i know it impossible to see her again before i leave. She had to study for prelims. All i wished is just a phone call chat with her, even if its for only 5min. So i asked, & her reply was "I dont wish to talk to you, no mood to chat". Because of the paper she sat for earlier on which make her upset. But somehow she still say i can still call her, if i want to. & im wondering whats the point of calling if she doesnt want to talk. True? So i say its okay, nevermind then. & her next reply was "its better to treat you in this way". Few days ago, had some small misunderstanding happening around & she meationed that its better not to talk to me, its all her fault for making everything fall out & unhappy, for making her friend to come & find trouble with me. So in any sense, i thought she was crapping all these stuff again. So what i say next was " Do you want to be in this way. Fine, go ahead. Dont talk to me. Treat me invisible, like everyone else does. It doesnt matter if it added one more." Which she didnt meant this, i got all the thinking wrong. What she wanted to say was to give her a day to cooldown, let the frustration over the paper to go, & then she can chat better the next day. & she say if i can be more considerate?
Its really fine for me cause study come 1st. But am i always such a lousy person to you? Not considerate, unsecure & so close up that you cant talk & share anything openly to me?
Well, you say im close up. Im writing my thinking here, im trying to be more open, let everyone know what im feeling inside, im changing. Im doing my best so to not let any restriction happened.
You say im unsecure cause i joke too much. I keep quiet, i can dont fool around, i can be serious in things im going to do.
You say im not considerate cause other will ask if youre fine & im always scolding you instead. I scold for cause i care. Im not the type that take in other people comforting words, i rather the person scold me to make me change for a better than always give in to me. I dont know how to comfort girls. I only know what i should say if its really meant em good. I dont want other to follow my footsteps & end up regretting never study hard for O lv.
Im trying my very best, but its getting from bad to worst. Quarrels come out more often. Cant everything be normal & like how it used to be. Like how i talk to you, you just listen. & how you talk to me, i just listen. Everything was so fun & alright back then.
Why should we be having negative thinking when a sentence come.
Why cant we treat it like a normal talk without suspecting & hating.
Why cant it be a happy chatting like back then.
I didnt sleep for 2 days
+ tonight, it will be 2.
Longest streak of staying awake was 3 days long, look like im going to make it 3 days again. I wanna thanks kerry for staying up together with me yesterday. WE ARE GAY. HAHAHA.
I dont like sleeping cause always had nightmares. Sometimes i found out that my face was wet with tears when i woke up. I will never shed a tear when im awake.(Always had nightmares when i think too much. Well, i cant stop worrying about stuff though you all might always heard me saying "take it easy" or acting "calm"). Look at my white hair. Today, a uncle in the lift say "Woah, so young have so many white hair", I say "Old already". He say "Nevermind, nowadays white hair is in tread". So lame right.
Intend to go pulau ubin yesterday with kerry for cycling & girls peeking. But the sky colour was dark, so didnt go. Later then go. I ask dennis along, dont know if hes coming anot.
Later tonight going to have dinner with em, + yuting zhuang is coming too. Good. I thought she still dont wanna meet us. Got boyfriend then always say not free. Then always say i never call her out. Is she dont wanna come out.
Pulau ubin later, pulau tekong 2 days later. LOL. Im gonna have a rifle, handgun, knife & grenades soon. If the officer KAOPEI KAOBU, i will on friendly fire, headshot him, or i will fire in the hole at him.
Because i say a wrong word when im joking around. Someone treat it very real & serious & lots of stuff arise, causing misunderstanding here & there. & offended another person. Well, im always sarcastic & offended others with my words. Another bad habit of mine.
I wanna thanks lots of people. Kerry, Alvin, Xu, Dennis, Roy & Pig Head. Especially kerry, you make me appeared in LIANHE WANBAO cover page, i will always remembered it. & experience the night life of geylang, the gross food in singapore (Frogs) & the fun in going clubs with you. We do all sort of SHIT. & then the rest for eating with me, watching movies with me, entertaining me, webcam with me & share porn websites with me. OMG, alvin stop introducing girls to us, all KNS, either its plump or ugly. Concentrate on O lv please. & no tips for you in EPL. I tell your mother.
Lastly,
ILOVE THE SERANGOON AVE 3 LOR MEE.
Last day for Changi Village coffeeshop stalls